


Difficolta

by nativemossy



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Gen, Sad Ending, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark-centric, this is it, whatever the opposite of a fix-it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 21:02:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nativemossy/pseuds/nativemossy
Summary: A gaze into the mind of Tony Stark as he looks out into the infinite depths of space. (Or, what Tony's final thoughts could have been if he had died that first time.)





	Difficolta

**Author's Note:**

> based on the thought that the most brutal ending for Tony's character arc would be him dying a quiet death in space, completely separate from all that he had ever loved and all that he had worked for, just waiting for the end to come

When Tony thought about it for long enough he was man enough to admit that this seemed an ironic end for his life.

He had just enough emotional distance from the arrogance of his youth to think that his accomplishments still mattered even if he wasn’t there to see them out. It stung, that was for certain. He hated that he knew exactly how much he had left undone (or unsaid) on earth. He knew -to some extent- the work that would need to be done in the wake of Thanos, and he knew how much of a bitch it would be without him there. 

In the end, none of that mattered because he was dying in fucking space.

He knew the likelihood of someone finding them out here (slim to none was a better chance than he had - he had done that ugly math after discovering that there was nothing to be done about the oxygen supply. Or the food supply. Nebula was doing her best to keep as positive an outlook as she could, but he knew what a scared kid looked like when he saw one. He just wished he could do more to help her.). 

In his final hours - because he could face the facts, he only had a few hours left as it was - he couldn’t help but be maudlin about how the end of his life had panned out. Nobody ever plans for the end, though if anyone did it would be Tony. If anyone had offered to ask him _ hey Tony how would you like to kick the bucket _he probably would have said something stupid and flippant like “in a blaze of fire and glory, how else?” Then maybe sailed away with a wink and a smile. 

He had the time to be honest with himself, and right then he really wanted to just be home. Not that he’d call the empty compound home, or the sold tower, and certainly not the rubble of his Malibu mansion that was sitting in the bottom of the Pacific.

No, somewhere without his knowledge his home had become a group of people instead of a place. It was painful that he was just realizing that now, right when it was of absolutely no use to him.

He wanted Pepper’s soft hands running through his hair. Whenever he got sick (which was unfortunately often after the arc reactor) she used to sit beside him on the couch and scratch at his sweaty curls until he either fell asleep or she had to leave for work. He could recall dozens of small moments like that and it made his teeth ache with affection for her.

He missed Rhodey. Just point blank; he missed his best friend. It had been years since they had spent time together properly, but he had enough memory of the trouble two college kids could get up to for a lifetime. His platypus was such a worrywart now - Tony missed his grumbling.

There were so many more people that had filled his life in the past few years. Happy. Peter. Hell, even that kid from fucking Tennessee had managed to worm his way into his heart after a while. 

He had always wanted a kid. Maybe two. He kept it a secret for a long time. His daddy issues and alcohol problems and other assorted issues didn’t spell anything other than disaster, but the thought of raising a tiny mind into an adult was a wish he held very dear.

He thinks to himself that maybe Pepper would have had that with him if he made it back to her.

No, if, at that moment, he had been asked how he wanted to die he would have simply requested to be surrounded by his family as he did. 

Instead, he was surrounded by space. The irony in that was that he had spent his entire life carving out space for himself. He worked to become Tony apart from Howard. After a while, he had to be Tony divorced from the Avengers, certainly from SHIELD. Finally, Tony Stark had found a space big enough to fit his ego, he mused grimly to himself.

He figured, even if his family (crazy and mismatched as they were) couldn’t be there for him to say goodbye, dying with them on his mind was the best he could do.

He gazed out into the black, feeling his head spin with the emptiness of it all. His life, his family, the whole fucking universe. Sitting on the deck of that ship made it all feel so small. He closed his eyes against the feeling, feeling his breath rattle in his chest.

Inhale. Exhale.

Silence.

**Author's Note:**

> chat with me on [tumblr](https://nativemossy.tumblr.com/), [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/nativemossy), or [dreamwidth](https://nativemossy.dreamwidth.org/)
> 
> this has been in my drafts folder since I saw endgame in april so I cleaned it up a bit and dragged it out bc I havent posted in a Good While. Not my best or most plotted work but hey i'm working on my spontaneity


End file.
